Divorce

I have been doing some serious thinking about this particular issue recently, especially after I heard about some young couples who got divorced on - the same day of the wedding; another 45 days after the wedding; and another on eighth day after wedding. Ya I know it is certainly not shocking anymore.

It’s alarming about the way how life styles and values are changing and about this generation’s lack of concern for anything. Most seem to get married just for the heck of it and after looking at the outer appearance and stuff... Next thing you know is, “no I can’t adjust with him/her, so I’m getting separated.” That’s it??? So what happens to the vows taken, what about life and adjustments??? The worst part is if the couples have kids. They really don’t think how lost the child would be, the issues that children will go through, how destroyed they would feel and so on.

I had recently read an article about studies showing how high the divorce rates are in china and about the main reason for it. Well the reason there is that since there is a policy of having only one child and since China now is a booming economy, most couples are rich and they give their only child everything and bring him/her up in a much pampered way. The children of that generation do not know how to adjust, do not know the value of giving, and are known to be extremely selfish. Studies revealed that most young couples now marry only for social and monetary benefits and that as soon as they see better prospects they divorce and remarry. What a life!!!

The Romans had an interesting view towards marriage – ‘matrimonia debent esse libera’ or ‘marriages ought to be free’. This meant that either spouse could opt out of the marriage if things weren’t working out for them. Centuries later, Victorian England had a vastly different view. People got married and stayed together for better or for worse. Society frowned on divorce and divorced people were likely to find themselves social pariahs. In the present century, both these views prevail and with globalization, the ‘backward’ countries are catching up. Women, especially, with access to higher education and higher salaries, are less willing to put up with traditional roles and expectations. There was a time in India when divorcees where looked down upon and they were kept away from functions and all that. But if we go to look that way now, the case might be that we won’t have enough people to invite for anything.

Ya sure - A divorce happens after a husband and wife decide they can't live together anymore and no longer want to be married. They agree to sign legal papers that make them each single again and allow them to marry other people if they want to. Although that may sound simple, I really don’t feel that it’s easy for a husband and wife to decide to end a marriage. Often they spend a long time trying to solve problems before deciding to divorce. But sometimes they just can't fix the problems and decide that a divorce is the best solution. Some marriages are worth fixing and some are not so I really can’t tell ya don’t get divorced.

Some of the most common cited reasons for divorce are: Lack of commitment to the marriage; Lack of communication between spouses ; Infidelity ; Abandonment ; Alcohol addiction ; Substance abuse ; Physical abuse ; Sexual abuse ; Emotional abuse ; Inability to manage or resolve conflict ; Personality differences or ‘irreconcilable differences’ ; Differences in personal and career goals ; Financial problems ; Different expectations about household tasks ; Different expectations about having or rearing children ; Interference from parents or in-laws ; Lack of maturity ; Intellectual Incompatibility ; Sexual Incompatibility ; Insistence of sticking to traditional roles and not allowing room for personal growth ; Falling out of love ; Religious conversion or religious beliefs ; Cultural and lifestyle differences ; Inability to deal with each other’s petty idiosyncrasies ; Mental Instability or Mental Illness ; Criminal behavior and incarceration for crime etc.

There are so many other reasons too like - Lack of communication (happens to b main reason). It is one is one of the leading causes of divorce. A marriage is on the rocks when the lines of communication fail. You can’t have an effective relationship if either one of you won’t discuss your feelings, can’t talk about your mutual or personal issues, will keep your resentments simmering under wraps, and expect your partner to guess what the whole problem is about. Divorces often happen because people rarely discuss their expectations in detail prior to marriage, are less willing to work on their marriages afterwards, and would like quick solutions rather than having to resolve issues.

I personally know that People have gotten divorced for trivial reasons like – (don’t laugh!) – snoring; wife/hubby unwilling to cook/help out with household chores; watching TV too much; out with friends too long; doesn’t cook/behave like mom; in-laws advises of- “ don’t give in too much to him/her, keep your own stand”…..blah …blah..Blah…..phewwwww!!!!!!!

I really don’t know where the world is going to nowadays. Believe me, I’m getting freaked just at the thought of marriage just reading all this. Humm no one thinks that only when both sides cooperate will there be a successful marriage and that both people have to put in their full potential to make it a success. Ya we all are humans, we sure do have our good and bad moments and all that. But marriage is not a silly issue and I do agree to divorce in certain valid cases where it can’t be avoided. Only thing is that I can’t support silly reasons that come up for divorce. People have to try their level best to solve problems, talk out the issues and learn to love each other rather than oneself. I guess we should all learn to love our better halves before stepping into marriage and I can understand the reasons why most religions are making pre-marital courses compulsory now.

Well I hope the world will become a better place to live in rather than the other way round!!!

I just saw this photo on the net today in this site- http://www.flickr.com/photos/lisagilbert/2379179562/ with the heading: If you don't change direction, you may end up where you're heading. (Ya apt title na...)